if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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