I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
40s are totally the cure
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
