I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
