Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
