Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
birth control should be required to get into college
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
