I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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