i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
