There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
