we have pet lesbian snakes
Soap is not a condiment
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Found your dick twin last night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
