She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
