Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
