Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
