I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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