So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
