Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize