I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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