I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
