This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
