Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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