We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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