i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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