I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
