after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
