wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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