He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
