What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
