Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
