If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you will always have a special place in my vag
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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