my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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