i just google imaged poop.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
