If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
