so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize