i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
