I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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