I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he wants to bone in the snuggie
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
