anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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