i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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