Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I believe in your delicious
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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