is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
