I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
