Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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