I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I will die if light touches me.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
