You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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