i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
