just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
