You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
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I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
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wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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