his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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