Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My dick has a subreddit
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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