That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Girls should come with a carfax report
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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