i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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