I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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