During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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