so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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