well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
