you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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