as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
