I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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