I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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