I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
