Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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