Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I supernannyed him into submission
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
