I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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