found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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