Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
