I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
