im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Randomize
