Even the bartender felt bad for me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
tell me about the eggs
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